Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
