didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
