it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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