I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
