Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize