Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
