Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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