Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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