Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
