Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize