4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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