I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize