New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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