I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You made out with two different species that night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
