A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize