Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
