i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize