i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
