You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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