you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this just has baby written all over it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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