I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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