When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
