I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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