you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
