There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
