My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
