I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
