The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
