That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
