Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
