I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
