I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
