I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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