I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
