I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
