We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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