I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
