You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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