I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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