Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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