I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
