I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
