All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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