As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
