Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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