Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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