How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
