Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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