she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I still have a little drunk in my system
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
