So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sarcasm needs its own font
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
