so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
