i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
