Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
