Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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