what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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