i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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