Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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