We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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