I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize