i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
