2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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