I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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