please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize