we made out on top of his cat.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
