Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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