Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
