p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
