She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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