I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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