Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize