You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize